Hyperbole aside, my dad and I have a long history of nautical misadventures. Basically, when the two of us get in a boat together there’s a decent chance of bad things happening. And so it was when we sailed out of Pictured Rocks on Lake Superior only to find ourselves about a dozen miles from the launch when the wind inexplicably died. There was the time we (I) flipped our kayak on the Roehr River in Holland and I tried to drown myself thus sparing you from reading this post . . . . Once my dad sunk a . . . well, at least I wasn’t there for that one. For that matter, my sister sent a paddle boat into Davy Jones’ locker on Dorena Reservoir last weekend so apparently she isn’t immune either.
Things started out innocently enough, finishing my chores we headed out to the Mckenzie on a beautiful cloudless day for my dad’s first flyfishing trip and first trip in my driftboat. The river was sparkling and clear, the sky blue and all was well:



Hell, things were going so well, I was even feelin’ downright cocky:

Looking back, there were ominous signs: the brutal storm from the day before might have been one. Maybe the Severe Weather Alert issued by the National Weather Service should have curbed my enthusiasm. Then again, what do they know? Besides, when a guy wants to fish . . . .
For a first timer, dad was doing quite well with the fly rod. We established a technique, missing two bites and losing one well hooked fish.

But things were not as well as they appeared. On the horizon, black clouds approached fast and an intense lightning storm was getting closer by the minute. We hoped it would pass and tried to fish through but as the intensity of the storm increased, it became readily apparent that waving a stick in the air wasn’t particularly wise. I anchored in a sheltered area, laid the rod down in the boat and we debated the merits of floating mid-river or hanging beneath the trees not really sure what was worse. Of course, we needed to get to the takeout; we soldiered on.
Then the rain hit–a heavy, pummeling, wind-driven, merciless downpour. Moving in sheets across the river, it obscured the normal riffles and glides making the Mckenzie resemble a pockmarked moonscape more than my familiar home river. As we headed into the heaviest rapid of our run, the wind began gusting, dad (to his credit) howled with delight at the intensity of the storm, rapids and river. We were definitely living.
I struggled against the wind to keep her bow pointed downstream even as I strained to keep one eye open. The wind, bad enough on its own was blasting the heavy rain into my face turned three quarters to the storm for protection. My stinging eye kept closing involuntarily even as I knew I had to keep it open, had to avoid the boulders that I knew were below. Air was becoming one with the water and we were in the middle of it. It was hard to breath and we panted trying not to inhale the water being pounded into out faces. From catching fish, my biggest concern had quickly morphed into caring only about getting my passenger and boat home safely.
Meanwhile, back at home over the radio, ‘Beeeeeeeeep–This is the Emergency Broadcast system. This is not a test. A powerful and heavy thunderstorm is moving across the region. Expect high winds, lightening and heavy rain, possibly hail. Please do not go outside. Stay away from your windows . . . .’ Shelly, in the kitchen worried, ‘Oh no. They are out there. On the river . . . .’
The boat was becoming sluggish and unresponsive. The rainwater had filled her to the floorboards. I didn’t know how much more she could take before sinking. Thankfully, I still don’t. Anchored up we began furiously bailing, trying to keep up with the water we were taking on. I felt bad and tried to pacify dad who was vacillating between good-humor and peevishness at my unpreparedness by explaining, “Sorry. This is the worst shit I’ve ever seen. This never happens.’” I needed to make him understand, I’m not a moron, this isn’t normal . . . these are extraordinary circumstances . . . . I think he got it the next day when almost everywhere he went everyone was talking about the freak nature of the storm.
Anyway, The rain slackened and our bailing began showing results. Dad even got out the camera. Check out my rain blasted eye:

The river had come up 500 cfs and debris was floating past, logs and limbs. Heck, a birdhouse bobbed by but at this point, I knew we would make the take-out. Cold and soaking wet maybe but we would make it. “Dad, you didn’t realize this was a murder-suicide plot, did you?” I asked as we headed downriver, the worst behind us.


We caught up to the birdhouse and I had dad get the net. ‘Scoop that thing up,’ I told him. ‘At least we’ll have something to show for this crap.’ And so we ended up with a trophy.
We landed at Silver Creek and I prepped for my attempt to hitch back upriver to my rig. Dad was soaked so I checked out outhouse. It was warm from the microbial action and I knew dad, drenched to the bone was cold. “Hey dad, if you get cold, it’s warm in there. It stinks, but it’s warm.”
I started the eight mile slog back to my truck, thumbing every truck that went past and they all broke the code. No one stopped even though I was wearing my golden ticket, my waders. Losing faith in humanity, I first started cursing the Toyoto truck drivers bitterly, “Can’t even buy an American truck. The only thing the US manufacturers do well and you still gotta buy a Japanese vehicle. Don’t wanna hurt your resale value by putting something in the bed, eh? Go mountain bike or something, Assholes.” After a few more miles though my disgust was big enough for everyone and especially for the dudes driving beater trucks.
The river was really off color and I had lots of time to assess where the sediment was coming from as I trudged upriver . . . Quartz Creek on Rosboro Lumbers land. Heavy logging on steep hillsides above the creek and the topsoil was washing away and into the river. Jerks.
Finally, about a mile and a half from the truck, a fellow in a Subaru going the other direction rolled to a stop on the shoulder, “You need a ride?” Man did I ever. “I was at the Post Office and saw the rig at Forest Glenn and then I saw you with your waders and put two and two together.” I hopped in his car. ‘Thanks, you’re a life-saver. I’ve been walking since Silver Creek.’ “Silver Creek?” His eyes wide. “Did you try thumbing it?” Yeah, I tried that. “and nobody picked you up? Man, what is wrong with people?”
He dropped me off at my truck, my faith in humanity restored and I headed downriver. Dad had taken refuge in the outhouse and poked his head out as I pulled up to the ramp. “I was getting worried. You walk the whole way or get picked up? “ I relayed the sordid story with its happy ending to him.
“Dad, I got you into this mess. Why don’t you stay in the truck. I’ll keep it running and the heat on.” He protested but only for a minute and warmed himself in the cab as I loaded her up. “The women are probably pretty worried,” I mentioned, but Dad had already called Shelly. At least she knew we were alive as of that call.
On the way home, I kept waiting for a final disaster, a smoked bearing, a trailer tire coming off the bead. Anything.
But, it wasn’t to be. We made it. I’m ready to go again tomorrow, but I’m not so sure about dad.